we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
