I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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