Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
