I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
