WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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