i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
