remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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