I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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