I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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