ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
