I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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