I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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