You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
