I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
