escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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