I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
