I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
