I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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