You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
