and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
