you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
