You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
