my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
