I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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