Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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