I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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