he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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