I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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