Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
