glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
