it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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