I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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