i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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