I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
