Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
