She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
