Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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