My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
