There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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