I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
