Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
