You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
