I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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