He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
