My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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