We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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