I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize