can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
