Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
