I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
