She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
