I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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