What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
