You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
