I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
