the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
