You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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