In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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