Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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