Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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