It's Friday. Sex?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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