Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
