Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
