Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Vodka?
Forever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize