In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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