I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize