she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
