69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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